Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
