sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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