Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
