I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
