Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  I can't find my pants or my car

  (813): View more from Florida

  I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...

  (561): View more from Florida

  ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.

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  (813): I can't find my pants or my car (813): I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell... (561): ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal. http://tfl.nu/nq8v
  Replies (9) Good night (1384) Bad night (558)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

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  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7659) Bad night (55793)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay

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  (202): dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay http://tfl.nu/5gp7
  Replies (9) Good night (1376) Bad night (2625)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

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  (631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life. http://tfl.nu/pg4a
  Replies (2) Good night (935) Bad night (2953)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina

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  (269): Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina http://tfl.nu/v4ze
  Replies (80) Good night (5324) Bad night (1176)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.

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  (248): Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/k6rq
  Replies (32) Good night (4307) Bad night (801)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.

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  (724): I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes. http://tfl.nu/hea3
  Replies (18) Good night (942) Bad night (4072)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think

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  (705): Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think http://tfl.nu/e8us
  Replies (9) Good night (1095) Bad night (5237)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea

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  (920): Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea http://tfl.nu/0m14
  Replies (3) Good night (2280) Bad night (1076)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.

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  (810): She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room. http://tfl.nu/nven
  Replies (3) Good night (903) Bad night (1339)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.

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  (412): I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/cumu
  Replies (8) Good night (1706) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch

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  (815): Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch http://tfl.nu/nhct
  Replies (3) Good night (747) Bad night (832)
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  (408): View more from California

  do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??

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  (408): do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend?? http://tfl.nu/xsua
  Replies (6) Good night (795) Bad night (969)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."

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  (971): I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob." http://tfl.nu/bamh
  Replies (4) Good night (365) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"

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  (305): I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me" http://tfl.nu/ic9y
  Replies (0) Good night (456) Bad night (208)

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