Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice

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(941): View more from Florida

For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.

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(407): View more from Florida

Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.

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(480): View more from Arizona

we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.

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(406): View more from Montana

apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...

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(770): View more from Georgia

Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?

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(224): View more from Illinois

I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...

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