And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me