She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
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By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him