Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
