im drinking this country out of the recession.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her