FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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