that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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