your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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