Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
