my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
