Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
