I just saw a hot homeless man
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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