Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
