so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
