You're my little dorito
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
