Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
