So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
