Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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