She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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