every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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