Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
