yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
