Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
