Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
