I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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