but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
