OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
