If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need a beard to bite.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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