I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize