its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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