So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
