Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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