How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
