i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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