I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
