i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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