His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
