this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
