So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
