Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
