He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
did i walk over a car last night?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
