my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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