I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
