I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
