My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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