I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
