I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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