when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
operation have a gay friend backfired
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
