FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
