I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
