he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
