I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
