he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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