I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
