omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize