I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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