Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
