Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
