well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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