it wasn't lemon gatorade
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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