YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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