I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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