so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
