my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
