things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
