I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
