hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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