I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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