He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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