he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
