this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
