So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
